...the real me...

Often when I tell people that I have a blog, if they are not familiar with the blog world, they don't understand. They question the idea of keeping a journal that anyone and everyone can read. I quickly explain to them that a blog isn't necessarily a person's innermost thoughts, but rather can be funny anecdotes, random goings on, pictures, or some sort of list...just the idea of keeping up with people, it's handy and personal in an impersonal way.

Anywho, tonight, I defy what I have always said, that my blog is not my innermost thoughts. Tonight I'm in a contemplative mood, and thus, the rest of this post...

If I showed you the real me, you would know...

...that I don't always love being single, especially on nights like tonight when I have to show up at an event alone, and people are kind enough to point out, "Did you come alone?"

...that my relationship with Christ isn't what it should be, but then again, what exactly should it be?

...that I still miss my college friends, and long for a group of friends that hangs out, chills, eats, celebrates b-days, etc.

...that I secretly envy my friends who have found "the one"...and often wonder when's it my turn?

...that I wish I were a size 6.

I'm sure there's more, but that's plenty for tonight.

I may regret posting this, and then delete it...we'll see how I feel in the morning.

Super Duper: this amazing lady i know from church wrote a book of historical fiction on the desperate situation in Sudan, went to a book release party for it tonight. Check it out, purchase it - www.thecalling-novel.com - I haven't read it, but I bought it and will let you know. I'm SURE it's AMAZING!

Super Pooper: People constantly asking me when I'm graduating from seminary. Me telling them I still have another year and half. Then them trying to pretend like that's just around the corner...love them awkward moments!

...age range???

I always thought I had an age range. Hmmm...maybe some of you don't know what I am speaking in reference to...you know, the range of age of guy that I'd be willing to date. Since I graduated from college, I always have said the guy has to be out of college (you know, different life stages and all...) and that 30 would be the cap. Well, the older I get, the older that age should get, right? Well, anyways, I was in class today, there was this cute guy sitting in front of me. During conversation in class I learned that he was single, graduated from Baylor, and noted he was well dressed. No, I wasn't grilling him, we did the typical "get to know you" profile at the beggining of class. Anywho, after class I thought I'd strike up conversation, couldn't hurt, right? So I asked him when he graduated from Baylor (since we have that in common). I guess subconsciously I had put him in his late 2os, so when he said he graduated from Baylor in '94, I WAS SHOCKED!!! I'm not sure that my facial expression hid it very well either. When he asked me what year I graduated, I suddenly felt like a little girl, answering '04 (a whole decade later). Now, don't get me wrong, 35's not THAT old, I was just taken off guard. I mean, that's older than my oldest sister, she graduated from Baylor in '96, weird to think I was attracted to someone over 10 years older than me!!! hahaha, I actually think the whole thing is funny. And let it be known, if we develop a friendship throughout the course of this class, and if he were to express interest and want to "hang out" some time...I'd be open to that. That's right, I'm open minded! PS - Emily, I thought of you as I wrote this post!

Super Duper: My parents are coming this weekend!
Super Pooper: I've had a weird appetite lately, nothing sounds good, then when I do eat, it doesn't taste right and I just feel all full and gross...

...facebook=stalkerville...

yeah, i've reached a new level of stalker...but that's okay, atleast i can acknowledge it. So, mainly for elaine, but for all you bloggers out there that are dying to know if "he" has a girlfriend...after some extensive facebook stalking, I'm leaning towards yes. If I'm wrong, they at least used to date or hang out, I think....hmmm, that's pretty uncertain, but there is reason to be suspicious and certain things to make me think they are dating...so, it's probably best that I err on the side of caution and assume he does. That way if he doesn't, it's a nice surprise, right?

well, since I'm posting anyways, I'll update you that I flew to Dallas for my dear friend, Jae's wedding. It was uber beautiful. I'm so glad I was there! I'll post picks on facebook. If there's anyone who doesn't use facebook and would like to see pics, just let me know...I think most of you can see them on fb. Give me a few days though to get them uploaded.

Super Duper: My team won both our v-ball games today!!!
Super Pooper: I'm EXHAUSTED!!! because I had to wake up at 5:00am to catch a flight to make it to church on time...looooooonnnnnnnnnnnggggg day!

...does he have a girlfriend???

that's all I want to know!!! does he have a girlfriend??? maybe you can help me out on this...how friendly is a guy allowed to be if he has a girlfriend? and how do you tell if he's just a nice guy, or if he's flirting? and how much should you flirt back to give him a little encouragement? ugh! should I just ask our mutual friend if the guy has a girlfriend? or is that too bold? should I just put myself out there? what's the worst that could happen? is he interested, or am I just reading in to everything?

these are all the overanalytical questions that I ask myself, making nothing into something and just asking for drama! but hey, it keeps things interesting, adds a little spice to life.

sorry, i'm not really wanting to give any details about the situation, but rather just wanted to throw out my frustration...

things have been good lately. saw "Bourne Ultimatum" last weekend with some friends, the parents cam through town and took me to lunch, my sister, her husband and 2 boys were her Monday night and Tuesday. I'm headed to Dallas this weekend for Jae's weeding, should be fun!!!

that's the basics, oh, in recent news, Lillian and Josh got engaged, and Erin & Jeff got engaged...there's something in the water...I need to get me some of that water!

Super Duper: my volleyball team is in 6th place out of 18 teams!!!
Super Pooper: my office in the new building is kinda small and has a big pole in the middle of the wall with windows, but atleast I have an office and windows, right?

...boys, who needs 'em?...

that's right, i said it! who needs boys? I will have you know that I had a perfectly nive Valentine's Day, and that was no thanks to any boys! I got a card from my parents, with $20 to starbucks, fun little cards and candy, and lotion from friends at work. And then came home and had a fantabulous birthday celebration for a fantabulous friend of mine.

Now i'm not saying that I want to go a lifetime without a boy to share Valentine's Day with, but for now, I'm content, and very grateful for friends to share a day of love with.

So here's to my fantabulous friends (image: me raising my bottle of strawberry Crush), whom I love very much, all of you, you know who you are!

Super Duper: I love the Olympics.
Super Pooper: Life.

...my type...

So, I've been thinking about this lately. Do I have a type? You know, a certain type of guy that I'm more inclined to be attracted to? I think so. Let's unpack this a little, shall we (who am I kidding, you have no say in this...)?

Must Haves:

• not only a Christian, but a godly man, a spiritual leader
• either in ministry himself or extremely supportive of mine
• loves kids
• sense of humor
• motivated, have a direction, be passionate
• want 3-4 children
• thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world (this may sound egocentric, but think about it, you want it too!)
• knows how to have fun!!! laughs a lot (and can tolerate my laugh)!!!
• would fit in with my family, and can handle the chaos that comes along with it
• makes me a priority

Preferred Characteristics:

• Tall
• Plays an instrument (particularly the guitar or piano)
• Athletic
• Usually I'm drawn to guys with brown hair, but I could be convinced otherwise
• intends to live in Texas (unless the Lord leads otherwise)
• can have a serious conversation
• drives a truck (again, this is negotiable, but a truck is preferable)
• is tidy, not crazy clean, just not a slob

That's all I can come up with for now. I'm sure I missed something. Feel free to add your 2 cents (especially you married ladies who have more experience). Oh, and yes, I realize this list is a dream, there's noway there's someone out there that fills ALL of these criteria, but hey, a girl can dream!

Super Duper: going to see "End of the Spear" tomorrow

Super Pooper: overall chaos right now, life is crazy

...me vs. the boys...

It's a perpetual game that I never seem to win. I feel that I am at a loss because I have no brothers. I know everyone says they (boys, yes boys, not men, hey, I don't consider myself a woman, so they are not yet men) are simple creatures and that my overanalyzing of the opposite sex is way overboard, but I can't help it. I'm a girl. Reading into things has always been a problem for me. In the back of my head I know, I know that I'm being dramatic, but part of me doesn't care. If the boy that I happen to be "crushing" on even says hi to me, or looks at me, I think it means something. That's right. It's like I lose all rational thinking. If I am even slightly attracted to a guy, I immediately begin overanalyzing, reading into nothing, turning his actions into flirtatious advances towards me. I suppose there is part of me that knows I am making all of this up in my head, but there is a larger part that tries to believe that he is interested and this is where I get in trouble. I begin telling myself that these "advances" (that I most likely have made up in my head) mean something. I do this so much that I begin to believe the random ideas that I ficticiously made up to rationalize my attractions. Then my emotions get involved and I begin to have such tangible feelings that it is no longer a crush and now it's going to be quite a feat to get over this guy. Why I allowed myself to get in so deep? Who knows. Usually I continue to like this guy until another guy comes along, then it all starts over again and I'm right back where I started...Like I said, its perpetual.

Really, I'm not complaining. I'm rather content and know that the Lord will bring Mr. Right along at the right time, and I must be patient till then. I just wanted to rant, so there you have it, my first rant for 2006.

Super Duper: No school tomorrow, I don't start back till next week.
Super Pooper: My first full work week in 4 weeks.