late night musings

Hmmmmm, who knows where this will go, but I've got some deep thoughts on my mind and thought I'd think through some stuff.

Have you ever felt so blessed in your life and so undeserving of the blessing that you are scared about why the Lord has chosen to bless you in such a way? I mean seriously, it is my heart's desire to honor and glorify Him, but I know that I still fail daily. I break the heart of God on a daily basis. And still he bestows blessing upon blessing on me. No joke, I often wonder what He is preparing me for? Where is this path that He has me on leading me. But then I am reminded of something some preacher said, that the verse, "He is a light unto my path" means that we only get to see a very small part of our life at a time, we don't have a spotlight showing us what's up ahead. I believe that's were a little something called faith comes in. Oh, whoever said having faith is easy must have been smoking crack. There is nothing easy about it, and I'm convinced that is why that road is narrow and few walk down the path of righteousness. Oh Lord, find me faithful!

One other thing on my mind tonight...marital status. I go back and forth on this. I have my days where I feel completly content and know that the Lord has me right where He wants me right now. I tell myself that I don't have time right now and that the Lord is still preparing me for that special someone, and I do 100% believe this. But then I have my moments where I desire an intimate relationship (and I don't really mean sexually, rather more emotionally). You know, someone who wants to know every detail about my day, someone who calls to make sure I made it home okay, someone who can just sit and watch tv with me, someone who will encourage me on the tough days, someone who will love me for who I am. Okay, I'll stop, if I think too much about it, it becomes real and I get a little sad. Like I said, for the most part I'm content and know this is a special time in my life that the Lord can use me in an amazing way...but a large part of me hopes that this "special time" doesn't last very long. I'm not sure if it's worse that I already have someone in mind, or if it's better than not having hope that there is anyone out there right for me....who knows?

I think that's most of what's running through my head right now.

Super Duper: Bought a new purple double breasted blazery jackety thing from Gap today for $16.97
Super Pooper: Didn't get as much studying done as I needed to, ooops!!!