...the real me...

Often when I tell people that I have a blog, if they are not familiar with the blog world, they don't understand. They question the idea of keeping a journal that anyone and everyone can read. I quickly explain to them that a blog isn't necessarily a person's innermost thoughts, but rather can be funny anecdotes, random goings on, pictures, or some sort of list...just the idea of keeping up with people, it's handy and personal in an impersonal way.

Anywho, tonight, I defy what I have always said, that my blog is not my innermost thoughts. Tonight I'm in a contemplative mood, and thus, the rest of this post...

If I showed you the real me, you would know...

...that I don't always love being single, especially on nights like tonight when I have to show up at an event alone, and people are kind enough to point out, "Did you come alone?"

...that my relationship with Christ isn't what it should be, but then again, what exactly should it be?

...that I still miss my college friends, and long for a group of friends that hangs out, chills, eats, celebrates b-days, etc.

...that I secretly envy my friends who have found "the one"...and often wonder when's it my turn?

...that I wish I were a size 6.

I'm sure there's more, but that's plenty for tonight.

I may regret posting this, and then delete it...we'll see how I feel in the morning.

Super Duper: this amazing lady i know from church wrote a book of historical fiction on the desperate situation in Sudan, went to a book release party for it tonight. Check it out, purchase it - www.thecalling-novel.com - I haven't read it, but I bought it and will let you know. I'm SURE it's AMAZING!

Super Pooper: People constantly asking me when I'm graduating from seminary. Me telling them I still have another year and half. Then them trying to pretend like that's just around the corner...love them awkward moments!

...unprecedented...

I could be wrong, but I don't think I have EVER posted 2x in one day.

I just wanted to share, and note so that some day I could look back and remember tonight.

Today Tallowood voted on a new Music Minister, Allen Hightower. He is amazing and will be a great addition! His wife and daughter are fahbulous too! Tonight's worship service was kinda a celebration of his coming to Tallowood. It was truly a wonderful night of worship! Children sang, youth sang, adults sang, handbells played, jazz band played, flutes, and some drama from the youth drama team.

It was just one of those moments where I was so glad to be a part of a church like Tallowood. Not only as a staff member, but as a part of the congregation. It is a joy to worship together and see God move. It makes me feel blessed that God has brought me to this place. I am grateful to God for choosing to use me.

To be honest, sometimes I worry that I am spoiled, and that I may not ever want to leave or may have unrealistic expectations somewhere else. But I just trust that the Lord will guide and lead me in His perfect timing.

Until then, I'm glad to be where I am! And thankful for God's provision!

Super Duper: a guy asked me for my # tonight
Super Pooper: it was the cashier at Wendy's...hahahahaha, go ahead, laugh, it's hilarious!

...the joy of giving...

sometimes it is easy to get overwhelmed with the number of presents still to buy, what to buy, stay in your budget, don't forget someone, hope they'll like it, etc, etc, etc.

I was beginning to get frustrated, not knowing what to get a lot of people in my family. That is by far the hardest part for me!!! I am so intent on wanting the person to like it. Well, yesterday I went shopping, and knocked some major people out!!! I'm soooooo excited!!!! And the best part is, I'm excited about what I got them, not just the fact that I bought them something. I refuse to buy someone something just to have something to put under the tree for them. Everything I bought yesterday, I feel really good about. Which makes giving the gifts sooooo fun! I just can't wait for them to open it, and to see the look on their face.

I was thinking about this, that Christmas to most Americans is about giving and receiving gifts, and at best some might say enjoying giving a gift. But why is this the heart of Christmas? Christmas is in celebration of the birth of Christ! I've always wondered, do we give gifts because:

1. Jesus is God's gift to us, so we are remembering this gift by giving gifts to others.
2. It's Jesus' birthday, so we give gifts as if celebrating someone's birthday.
3. Just like the wise men brought gifts when they came to see the King, we too give gifts?
4. All of the above?

Honestly, I don't know! But what I do know, is that His birth was miraculous in every way! And I love celebrating that by giving gifts to show my friends and family that I love them, and even more that I love Jesus, and God for giving us Jesus.

Sorry, this was going somewhere. What I was going to point out, is that to me, it is the most fun to watch people open a gift that I'm really excited about giving, even if it was more than I planned on spending. As I thought about this, I think this is like God. Of course on that night in Bethlehem, God gave us His Son, but equally as amazing, Jesus gave His life some 33 years later. Both the birth and death of Christ are a gift. A gift that God must have been sooo excited to give us! Of course, it was hard, and the price was high for the Father and the Son, but the benefit of us accepting the gift of Christ as our Savior, must be amazing! The joy that God receives when we receive His Son as the best gift of all!!! I bet he can't wait to see our faces when we open this gift He has for each of us!!!

Our God is amazing! So often I take Him for granted and argue with Him, or ask Him why or how or when! But in this Christmas season, I'm going to try and just sit and enjoy His gift, His Son, a beautiful babe that ultimately brought me salvation...He paid the highest price, and I gained the highest reward, eternal life with the Father in Heaven!

Super Duper: another day off tomorrow since the offices are still being set up!

Super Pooper: eating waaaay tooo much with all the Christmas parties & dinners

...does anybody really know me...

So, I thought I'd share a cool God thing that happened the other day.

I was watching some show or something and they were talking about if anyone really knows you. It made me start thinking. Who knows me? Does anyone really know me? After thinking through my life, it occurred to me that either my mom or my sister (Kelly) probably knows me the best. They know all about my childhood, my upbringing, the hard times, big decisions I've had to make, they listen when I need to talk, they know get me sarcasm and are never surprised by my over dramatic emphasis on mundane everyday details just to try and catch them off guard. But then I started thinking about the things my family doesn't know about me. How at different times in my life different friends may have known parts of me better than my family. Roommates in college, friends on a high school sports team, friends at work, often go through stuff with you on a daily basis and know more about you and your life than you may have time to tell over the phone to your mom.

So then I started thinking. Is there a part of me that no one knows. Absolutely. Which is scary. Makes me think there must be a part of everyone that no one knows. And I think that's OK. For some reason we all have the need to keep part of ourselves to ourselves. OK, so I had randomly been thinking through these introspective thoughts, and the next morning...

I read an entry in a daily devotional guide that I had at work, but I hadn't read in several months, and guess what it was about. It talked about how God knows me. Intimately, inside out and every thought. Which for most of us is scary. But the beautiful truth that I was reminded of, is that He still loves me. Through my sin, through my judgment of others, through my lack of faith and constant self reliance, He still loves me. He knows me better than any human ever will, and He loves me more than any human ever will.

Amazing grace! Praise the Lord!

Just wanted to share how cool God's timing is. He had placed those thoughts in my head about people knowing me, and no one knowing all of me, all just as a set up for an amazing truth in a little devotional. Love words from the Lord like that! Just thought I'd share!

Super Duper: Aunt's Weekend starts tomorrow!!!
Super Pooper: My bathroom tub won't unclog...grrrr

...if I'm being honest...

...I've reached a constant state of overwhelmedness...

...I wish I spent more time alone with God...

...I wish my prince charming would stop and ask for directions, because I think he's lost his way...

...I love being pampered, like getting a pedicure, and my nails done...

...I hate having to pick and choose whose weddings I can go to because I have a limited # of vacation days, boo...

...I wish I were 2 sizes smaller...

...I am constantly amazed by the generosity of our God...

...I love getting new clothes and shoes, especially for Spring!!!

...sometimes I wish I could see the future...

...I still miss college days, and it's been over 2 years, that's just sad...

...sometimes I wonder why He chooses to use me...

...I know I am blessed with an amazing family, and I hope I don't take them for granted...

I could probably unpack each of those statements, but I'll let them just speak for themselves. I am grateful to my God for the blessings in my life and hope that this Easter season we all appreciate and recognize the sacrifice that was made for us on the cross.

Happy Holy Week!

Super Duper: I called my mom when I was getting my pedicure and she said to go ahead and have my nails done too, and to put it all on her credit card!!!

Super Pooper: My knee has been hurting for a week now from last week's softball game...no more playing catcher for me! I'm gettin' old!

...waiting...

I had this conversation with my friend the other day, and it occurred to me that it seems like we are all waiting on something.


I have one friend who is waiting to get engaged, hoping it will happen any time now.

Then another friend who is engaged, but they haven't set a date yet and she is just patiently waiting for her wedding day.

Me on the other hand, I'm waiting for my prince charming.

Some people are waiting to go to college,

Some waiting to move

Some waiting for a new job

the list goes on and on and on...


So why do we live our lives waiting? Why does it seem that we are never satisfied with our current situation? Always looking ahead, assuming that the grass is greener up ahead?

I would like to suggest that it has something to do with the fact that since the future hasn't happened yet, in our minds it is better than the present. Because in our minds the future is picturesque.

Why do we insist on doing this? Why isn't right now good enough?

I don't think it's horrible to think that good things lie ahead, but are we living for the future, for things to come?

I pray that I don't miss something today because I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and the same for you as well.

This has been deep thoughts with kasey...haha!

Super Duper: I switched to a new perfume, and I really like it!
Super Pooper: I still haven't started that assignment that is due on Friday!!

...when did i become a woman???

I still don't refer to myself as a woman. But people keep telling me I qualify for the title. But what I want to know is, when did I "earn" this title and what did I do to deserve it?

I mean, when I was at Baylor I know I wasn't a woman, no one referred to me as a woman. The average female in college (age 18-22) wouldn't be referred to as a woman. So that narrows it down. It must have happened some time in the past 2 years, since I graduated.

But you see, it seems to me that there should be a specific event that deems you a woman. You know, some people may say getting married makes you a woman. But I think of many girls that get married young, and don't necessarily qualify as a "woman." So then does it have to do anything with having sex? You know, how guys say having sex makes them a "man." Well is the same true for girls? If so, then I don't qualify by that standard.

So far there isn't any one event/date/action that makes someone suddenly a woman, as far as I can see. People tell me that it has something to do with the fact that I have a job, salary, stability. That I support myself, have an apartment, make a car payment, etc, these are the types of things that make me a "woman."

Who knows? Is it the stroke of turning 24? Is that a magical age that makes a girl into a woman? I sure didn't feel anything significantly different just by starting my 24th year of life.

All I know is that I'm going on the Women's Ministry Retreat this weekend, and it kind of freaks me out that I qualify as a woman. It's just weird how I subtly moved into this category and still have not clue when or how it happened. And may I add that if I could keep it from happening, I just might. Just like their isn't anything that makes me a woman, so far I haven't found any benefits to being one either. Let me know if there is some benefit that I'm missing out on!

Super Duper: Having Friday off!!!
Super Pooper: lots of cleaning to do at my apt!

...a series of events...

I have been thinking lately (yes, I know, that can get me in trouble) about the way in which things occur in our life. I fully believe in the sovereignty of our Lord and His divine providence, which means that I must accept that the events of my (our) life (lives) are no mistake. In fact, they are perfectly orchestrated by our omnipotent Father and Creator.

On one hand, this is very comforting. To know that He is in control, watching out for us, and has a plan. We need not worry. We simply need to seek His face so that we can be confident that we are following His will for our lives.

On the surface it sounds so simple, and "taken care of." But I find the difficulty in interpreting the events that He allows to happen in my life. What do they mean? Why did He allow this or that? And I don't always mean a bad event, but even just what are you trying to tell me? Am I missing it? I don't want to miss it. I want to be in the center of God's will, after all, that's the safest place in the world. But how do I know that I'm in the center of God's will? Honestly, there have been times in my life that He has given me confirmation that I was in fact in the center of His will, not for account of anything that I did right or wrong, but just through His goodness He blessed me and showed me clearly His will.

So my question is...how do we fall out of that will? Have I stopped listening? Why can't I hear Him as clearly? And if I'm not necessarily in the center of His will, is it possible to even just be on the target, but not exactly on the bull's eye? Or if you're not on the bull's eye is it just as well to be 5 miles off?

The Will of God, so confusing, but after all, maybe that's the way it is supposed to be. His ways are not our ways, and for that I am grateful.

Super Duper: I have a new favorite dessert at a restaurant right across the street from me...this could be dangerous!!!
Super Pooper: Lots of reading that I need to do before Monday.

...Hearing God...

sometimes I wish His voice were audible